LIL WAYNE AND THE FOURTH GRADE REGS

by kath j.

The low pressure system finally kissed Florida. It’s convertible weather on this fringe fall night and The Knife‘s “Silent Shout” wins the shuffle contest on the cd player. A recent firing and an appointment free November fill Aaden’s mind as he goes errand running at 11:00 PM on a Tuesday night. It’s off to the bank while he waits on a call for some overpriced slack buds, but he’s FEENING. His recent sublet post on Craigslist attempting to rent his place had attracted a myriad of random characters. From 52 year-old picture sending women to skeevy graduate students and country club workers, his apartment was a hot commodity. On this empty night, the shadiest “trustworthy” applicants were suddenly useful for a non house renting purpose. His firing meant drug freedom and homeboy is a pothead.

SILENT SHOUT BY THE KNIFE:

This one girl/woman inquirer, Theresa, was cool on first request. Aaden called and talked some bullshit about the prospective apartment, “So hey, are you still interested?.. Awesome, The landlord is down to meet people next week. I’ll call you on Friday and we’ll set a specific meeting time.” Bullshit. “Oh and by the way, can I ask you something off the record? Do you smoke by any chance? Not cigarettes… Oh awesome, I got some friends coming into town, do you think you can help me out?”

She said yes but they’re was a random weed shortage in Jacksonville. Everyone was off tripping balls in Orlando for Hollywood Horror Nights. So after two days of text messaging with this random stranger, Theresa found some regs and Aaden said “fuck it, I’m desperate.”

Aaden was circling the parking lot because this girl was late as shit. He stops in to Best Buy, cells some old friends and buys the new Madden game. Still no call from Theresa. Forty minutes later he gets a call. She’s on her way. $30 for 3 grams of some wak ass reggy bud that’d befit a fourth grader. This was straight up fourth grader weed. Desperado had ten minutes so he waltzes inside a bar to break a hundred. The one vacant spot is alongside this thick hat wearing chick who turns around the second his elbow touches the granite.

“Hey What’s up?”

“Hi…”

That was pretty much the end of the customary section of the meeting. However she did mention that she “gets by” by blackmailing older men for money on SugarDaddie.com. He brushed that off by saying they would just be friends (and thus un-blackmailable) before running to the parking lot for the weed exchange. He was back at the bar, with the girl, within moments. What happened next was all some subconscious whirlwind. Within 4 minutes they’re making out and had each dropped a pill that the girl had been prescribed for a mild concussion suffered a week before. In 30 minutes they are back en route to Aaden’s apartment. The moon is fuckin’ loco at this point. About 94% percent full, people are tripping in the streets like it’s a 100. Even at stop lights people shouted at Aaden dancing to 70′s disco music. It was an illegal and very real twilight zone.

TOTAL JOB BY THE FAINT:

The hookup was an organized drunken mess. Aaden was fucking around on itunes while concussion girl tried to lap dance him on his computer chair. Midway through a shimmy she loses control and crashes to a corner through a rum bottle and two Heinekens. Slightly shaded, Aaden says:

“Whoa, are we that fucked up right now? I think we need to be friends and chill out a second.”

Concussion girl gathers herself a moment and articulates the most classic, strength filled statement she could organize. What spilled out of her lips was pure beauty:

“You don’t think Lil Wayne has ever done that? You don’t think Young Jeezy ever falls like that?”

Consider these following words a prologue because I’d like that last sentence to be an ending for something. If you need a practical conclusion to the story, the two had protected animalistic sex and Aaden dropped the girl off at the original bar parking lot the following afternoon.

The moral starts at drunken-pilled-out brains being capable of stupid genius lines by mistake. It culminates in an affirmation that all life experiences combine intentional acts and accidents. The drawn bottom line is:

Life Is Funny.

One Comment

  1. Posted April 28, 2019 at 1:05 pm | Permalink

    Having read this I thought it was really informative.
    I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this information together.
    I once again find myself spending way too much time both
    reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still
    worth it!

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